Sunday, March 20, 2011

You Know What's Bullshit? #1: Elevators

You know what's bullshit? Elevators.

You've got a few minutes left before making it in time at the office which is at the 30-somethingth floor. Fast-forward, you're now so fucking pissed. You want to destroy that person across your workstation. You slam all of your fingers on the keyboard. Your eyebrows are furrowed, and everybody around you is keeping a one-kilometer distance away from you. This is because you're fricking late again, and a memo from your boss is in order. Why? Why did this happen? Oh yeah, the elevator did a sucker punch on your face again. What better way to get late than because of that effing lift?

Let's start with the people who use them. Why do they need to push both the Up and Down buttons? Do they think the evelators' gonna come running if the buttons are both lit up or are the elevators really that stupid (they are, but that's another story)? Have they forgotten that if they want to go up, they push Up, and if they want to go down, they push Down? Pushing both buttons would actually make things longer. Because if you want to go up and you push the Down button aside from Up, the elevator will go down first before going up! "Oh, there are two buttons here. They're no different. Let's push them both!" Why do they have to push the Down button if they're not gonna go down at all? Ass.

Some people really don't appreciate the value of time, do they? And if they happen to be the nearest the floor buttons, you'd wish you have a missile launcher and destroy them right there and then. I remember this incident when there were a couple of us inside the elevator, and there were these two guys near the floor buttons, chatting shit. The elevator opened, a couple of people stepped out. Guess what happened. One of the two guys just fucking stared at the Close button, just waiting for the damn doors to close. What the fuck. Doesn't he really have any initiative or is he just that lazy? If I automatically push the Close button after the people have stepped out, why can't he?

Oh this one's classic: the elevator closing before you can make it. Yeah, even if you shout at the top of your lungs and you're almost gonna jump in to make it inside, most people inside either just don't care or are just being a motherload of fuck, ignoring you and close the damn door in front of your face. How romantic.

Speaking of ass, elevators are definitely a big ass especially in big, old buildings. The building is big, with a shitload of floors and all, and there are only four elevators. And one of them is always under maintenance. Always. How could the building owners possibly make things worse for their tenants? Some elevators are slow in every aspect - they move up or down slowly, the doors open or close slowly. Other elevators meanwhile are like party girls with attention deficit disorder. I pushed 14th floor, and the elevator ignores it and opens up at 15th floor.

Now that, my friends, is bullshit.

PS: I am absolutely honest to tell you that it's a big coincidence that the blog post before this one is also about elevators. It's a coincidence. Believe me. Even if you lock me inside an elevator and dump a lot of cow shit, I'd still tell you that it's a coincidence. Really.

Picture Of The Day

And it looks quite corny, too. (Monday Through Friday)

Music: Johann Sebastian Bach - Air, from Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D
Mood: Stressed
Quote: Mabigat ang magiging kapalit niyan.


  1. you shift to english, and i don't know what to comment. hehe.

  2. I think everyone here who works can relate... In my case, the latest incident was when the elevator opened and people went in, lahat sila nakaharang lang sa door... Even the elevator operator was staring at the people blocking the way for other passengers (like me)... I had to say "PWEDENG TUMABI." before people actually stopped blocking the way... Paimportante kasi mga tao... Gah.

  3. uhm guilty. im one of the indifferent people who shuts the elevator right after I stepped in. late na ko no, hindi kita hihintayin! haha

  4. you are really pissed with elevators and humans. hehe.kakainis nga pag ganyan.. but.. di natin control ang mga tao sa paligid. kaya.. sometimes to make my life a heaven... i shift/change instead.

  5. 2 days ago, I was using the elevator when some people that evidently pushed both up & down buttons stepped in. Of course, I was going down (to the parking lot), and they were going up. I told them that they were delaying the elevator for their own waste of time (and mine too).
    There were some cross-cursing and they shook me in the air like a little puppet. Police had to come.
    Everyone I tell this story to, either thinks I'm a total moron, or does not understand why there is a delay to begin with. I don't get anyone's sympathy =(

  6. Elevator's not the problem it's the effin' employees in other floors, those idiots are waste of time men they suck eggs we should eradicate em' all and blast off their sorry bungholes. Haha!!


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